We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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