It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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