Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
