all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
