i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
