When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
