Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
