Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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