The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
