I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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