my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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