my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i now understand why vodka
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
