So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
