Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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