I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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