i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
