i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
