I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Everyone says I win the strip club
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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