the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
