I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
