Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
