I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
