grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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