Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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