The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize