We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
