I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize