Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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