Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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