Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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