dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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