I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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