this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
