Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
