hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
