i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize