Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
