I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
