we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
