I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
pray to the hookup gods
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
