actually, I'm a sock model
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
