ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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