When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
