Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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