theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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