I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
