things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
