I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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