When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
