Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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