I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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