Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
