I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
