OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
