I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
