my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
