I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
