i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
where does the pee come out of this thing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
