Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
