I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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