just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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