yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
