I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize