I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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