There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
