Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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