Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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