That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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