i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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