literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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