Betty ford says i'm here all night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
