I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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