Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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