I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
