At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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