Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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