how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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