Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize