Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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