I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
