someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
