Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
