FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it's like iHOP with fire
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize