Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
