moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
