God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize