She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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