She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
