omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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