There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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