you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
