so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
