Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
