imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
