I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
