dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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