woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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