my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
