Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
