So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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