I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
