Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
