The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
