there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
