my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
