i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
