I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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