goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, beer. Big fan.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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