you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
